Guides
Jewish Funeral and Mourning Traditions
Jewish funeral traditions value simplicity, speed, and respect for the deceased. This guide explains what to expect from the funeral through the first year, for families of every denomination.
Reviewed by Joyce E. Torchinsky, funeral director.
Jewish Mourning at a Glance
- Burial takes place as soon as possible, in a plain wooden casket, with no embalming or viewing.
- Shiva is the seven days of mourning at home after the burial.
- Shloshim marks the first 30 days, and mourners for a parent say Kaddish for eleven months.
- The headstone is dedicated at an unveiling, and the yahrzeit is observed every year.
- Practice varies by community, and your rabbi guides your family’s choices.
The Stages of Jewish Mourning
Jewish mourning moves through stages, each a little less intense than the one before.
1
Aninut: From Death to Burial
Close relatives are onenim and are free of many religious obligations so they can care for the arrangements.
2
Shiva: The First Seven Days
After the burial, mourners stay home and receive visitors for seven days.
3
Shloshim: The First 30 Days
Counted from the funeral. Mourners return to work but traditionally avoid parties and entertainment.
4
The First Year
Mourners for a parent traditionally say the Mourner's Kaddish for eleven months.
5
Yahrzeit: Every Year
The anniversary of the death on the Hebrew calendar, marked with a candle and Kaddish.
Simplicity, Speed and Respect
Jewish burial customs are built on simplicity and respect for the person who has died. Burial takes place as soon as possible, usually within a day or two. There is traditionally no embalming, no viewing, no cosmetics, and no flowers or music. Your loved one is dressed in plain white tachrichim and placed in a plain wooden casket, the same for everyone.
From death until burial, your loved one is never left alone. Shomrim keep watch, and members of the Chevra Kadisha perform the taharah, the ritual washing and dressing for burial. Jews are buried in a Jewish cemetery or in a section of a general cemetery set aside for Jewish burial. Read more about taharah and shmirah.
At the Funeral
A Jewish funeral is short and simple, and the casket stays closed. It usually begins with kriah: the closest relatives tear a garment or a black ribbon worn over the heart, a sign of grief. The rabbi reads Psalms, family or the rabbi gives a eulogy, and El Malei Rachamim is chanted with the Hebrew name of the person who died.
At the cemetery, family and friends accompany the casket to the grave. Many help fill the grave with earth, a final act of kindness, and the mourners recite the Mourner’s Kaddish. On leaving the cemetery, people wash their hands before entering the shiva home. Learn how we arrange a traditional Jewish funeral, or find the Mourner’s Kaddish.
Shiva: The First Seven Days
For seven days after the burial, mourners stay at home, sit on low chairs, and receive visitors. Mirrors are covered, a memorial candle burns, the door is often left open so visitors can enter without knocking, and water is set out for washing hands after the cemetery. Our shiva guide explains each custom, and we can deliver shiva chairs and supplies to the home.
After Shiva
Shloshim
Shloshim: the first 30 days
Shloshim lasts 30 days from the funeral. Mourners go back to work and daily life but traditionally avoid parties, concerts, and other entertainment. For most relatives, formal mourning ends with shloshim.
The First Year
Kaddish for a parent
Those mourning a parent traditionally say the Mourner’s Kaddish for eleven months. Customs differ between communities, so ask your rabbi what your family follows.
Unveiling
The unveiling of the headstone
The headstone, or matzevah, is dedicated at a short graveside ceremony called the unveiling. It can take place any time after shloshim and is often held near the first anniversary.
Yahrzeit and Yizkor
Remembering every year
Each year on the Hebrew date of the death, families light a yahrzeit candle and say Kaddish. Memorial candles are also lit for Yizkor on Yom Kippur, Shemini Atzeret, Passover, and Shavuot. See our yahrzeit guide.
Each of these observances gives mourning a shape, so grief can be carried step by step. Read our full yahrzeit guide for dates, the candle and the prayer.
For Guests: Etiquette and What to Wear
- Dress modestly in dark colors (Men may be offered a kippah; in more traditional communities women often wear a skirt or dress.)
- Send food, not flowers (Flowers are not part of Jewish funeral traditions. Food for the shiva home or a donation in memory is welcome.)
- Everyone is welcome (Non-Jewish friends are welcome at the funeral and the shiva home.)
- Keep words simple (At a shiva home, let the mourners speak first. ‘I am sorry for your loss’ is always kind.)
Reviewed by Joyce E. Torchinsky
Joyce E. Torchinsky is the owner and a funeral director of Torchinsky Hebrew Funeral Home, with more than 30 years in funeral service. She taught mortuary science and directed the Mortuary Science Program at CCBC Catonsville. She reviews our guides so that the customs are explained accurately and in plain words. Every family’s practice differs, so follow your rabbi’s guidance where it differs from ours. Joyce E.
Questions About Jewish Funeral and Mourning Traditions
The main Jewish funeral traditions are prompt burial, simplicity, and respect: a plain wooden casket, no embalming or viewing, and no flowers. How strictly a family follows each custom depends on its community and observance, and your rabbi can guide you.
Wear dark, modest clothing, as you would for any serious occasion. Men may be offered a kippah to cover their heads. In more traditional communities, women often wear a skirt or dress with covered shoulders.
Flowers are not part of the tradition, which emphasizes simplicity and equality. Instead, many people send food to the shiva home or make a donation to a charity in memory of the person who died.
Kriah is the tearing of a garment, or a black ribbon pinned to it, by the closest relatives of the deceased. It is a visible sign of grief and is usually done at the start of the funeral service.
Shloshim is the period of 30 days counted from the funeral. Mourners return to work and daily life but traditionally avoid celebrations and entertainment until it ends.
An unveiling is a short ceremony at the grave to dedicate the headstone. Family and friends gather, Psalms and prayers are said, and the cloth over the stone is removed. It is often held near the first anniversary of the death.
Related Guides and Services
- Yahrzeit Remembering on the anniversary
- Shiva guide The week of mourning at home
- Cremation and Jewish tradition A respectful look at the question
- Traditional Jewish funerals How we arrange the funeral
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